OSM II
by Mairemor
Summary: Jason Stackhouse continues to enthrall and exasperate his dark elf girlfriend Danni until she decides to mend his evil ways with a little magic.


**WEEKLY ONE-SHOT CHALLENGE: WEEK #19**

**Theme:**

"Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue."

Oh Sh*t Moment II

**A/N:**_ This story takes place a year after the events in my one shot, OSM_. _Jason continues to enthrall and exasperate his dark elf girlfriend, Danni, until she's had enough, yet again. Ok I'm cheating a little here and using TB's Jessica as Hoyt's girlfriend. The Bon Temps high school football team is the Hawks. Many thanks to FDM & Meads my beta goddesses, who quarterbacked this fic :)_

_**OSM ( the April fic) somehow got replaced irrevocably with OSM II . Of course, I didn't have it on a zip file or on the TB WIKI ! If any of my wonderful readers happen to have dowloaded the original OSM, please PM me. I'd love to put it back up!**  
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Danni literally popped into Jason's bedroom, her large, emerald green eyes almost maniacal with rage and humiliation. Her werepanter boyfriend, Jason Stackhouse, had shit on their plans for the last time. Tonight was supposed to have been their big anniversary celebration, an evening of food, dancing, and romance at Shreveport's newest nightclub, and Jason had not turned up! He had screwed her over yet again, and the the winds of fortune that Danni rode like a Fury promised to carry her clueless lover in new and astonishing directions. Her short, sexy, magenta mini dress set off her delicious curves, black neo pixy haircut, and pale skin to a "T". She looked in the mirror to confirm her good looks. It would be a long, long time before Jason got to enjoy the view—with or without her clothes on.

She had wasted an hour of her time at The Jewel Box, Shreveport's newest hotspot, and had been hit on by a score of good looking males, including the Were bouncer. She silently cursed the lack of filters on S-Harmony, the most popular supernatural dating service that had assured her that Jason Stackhouse was the man of her dreams. Well, that had been true in one particular department. The man was handsome as hell, hung like a stallion, and had experience and enthusiasm to spare in the sack.

Danni held out her long, ebony painted nails with the little **D & J** initials airbrushed on every one. Although she was only four foot ten, every inch of her curvaceous body packed a magical wallop. She shook her head. Even with the added wiles of the werepanter in his system, Jason was still dumber than a box of hair. He'd better turn up soon with an airtight alibi, or she would personally screw his high, tight ass in ways that he would not find appealing!

At that very moment Jason was sitting at Merlotte's, Bud in hand, eyes glued to the TV and the vast, frenzied crowds at the Louisiana Superdome, where Tulane, and their archrival LSU, battled. With one game against ancient rival, Tulane, separating LSU from its first recognized national championship, the atmosphere in Merlotte's and in the stadium was nearing hysteria. Jason was an LSU fan and was roaring his support with the best of them, when he felt a wave on unmitigated rage poking at him across the ether. There was only one person that could be. He glanced at the calendar tacked to the wall behind the bar, and his toes shrank inside of his shoes.

He banged his forehead against his palm, "Shit, shit! Danni!"

He'd been in jail for wrongs he'd committed, and he'd been paid back by Danni for cheating on her with a redhead from Shreveport. When he contemplated what the 'Wrath of Danni' could entail, he found himself longing for the closed and known dimensions of a cell. He had to get back home immediately if he was to have any chance of salvaging this disaster!

Hoyt glanced at him with curiously bordering on concern, "What's up buddy?"

Jason looked as if he'd been struck with a sudden gas pain as he muttered, "Had a date with Danni tonight…it was our one year anniversary."

Hoyt's amiable face brimmed with genuine concern, "Oh man buddy, you better gets going! You don't want to mess with a supe girl! Jessica thought that I was making eyes at this other girl once … and she...dragged me back to my place and…" Hoyt's pleasant face blushed crimson, "Well, now I make sure I keep my eyes on Jessica!"

The game had gone to commercials. Jason, glanced longingly at the TV screen, and puckered his mouth ruefully, "I'll give you the low down later."

His eyes sparkled with momentary hope and joy, "But call me right away when LSU wins!"

Curious, half lit faces swung toward him as he slunk out of the bar, the general question being, _What kind of an idiot would leave right before the season's biggest game was over_?

Only Jason, Hoyt, and Danni knew exactly what kind of idiot Jason was.

As Jason neared his house, soundless heat lightening flickered against the sky to the west. Jason swallowed hard. Here came the storm.

As soon as he stepped onto the threadbare carpet, Danni sizzled over to him, regarded him with steady, dangerous eyes, and hissed, "This better be real, _real_ good. I thought that you would know better than to fuck with me by now!"

Jason ramped up the charm. His grin remained lopsided and relaxed, but his eyes slid toward the exit.

"Danni, sugar, I can explain…"

His grin wilted under Danni's gaze, as his phone's "The Boys Are Back in Town" ring tone exploded through the silence.

Jason hastily averted his eyes from Danni's green-eyed glare.

"Hoyt! Can't talk now…"

Danni rolled her eyes, screwed up her mouth, and snatched the phone before Jason could close it.

Then, simulating Jason's congenial voice added, " Oh hell, go ahead buddy, Danni and I were just finishing up some…chores," making sure to add a Jason-like smirk to her voice, "What's up?"

Jason cringed inwardly and outwardly as Hoyt's jubilant voice exploded over the speakerphone. "LSU won 30 to 24! Y'all get on back here to celebrate." The unmistakable sound of a partying bar blared in the background.

Danni's eyes fixed on Jason's like a hawk's eyes fix on a pigeon, "We sure will try buddy, but Danni and I have some plans for our anniversary, so we might have to take a rain check!"

There was a pause as Hoyt put two and two together while the bar noise surged in the background.

"Oh yeah, of course Jason! You looked pretty freaked out when you left Merlotte's! Well, have a fun evening!" Hoyt exclaimed laughing uneasily.

Danni regarded Jason with a humorless smile, "Sure thing buddy. We're going to light up the night like the Fourth of July!"

Then, she snapped the phone shut and advanced upon Jason, blue sparks flying from her fingers.

Using his ex quarterback and current werepanter reflexes, Jason wheeled around and bolted toward the back door. Dannie laughed, whirled a lasso of blue sparks about her head, roped Jason who squawked in fear, and hauled him in. She placed one stiletto heel on his chest and pushed. Jason toppled onto the floor. As she straddled him, with her fingers still sparking dangerously, Dannie's full mouth assumed an unfamiliar, mean twist.

"After what happened to you the last time you screwed me over, you blew off our anniversary for a _football game_ ? Jason Stackhouse, you look like a chicken when the fox is about to pounce. You're about as smart as a chicken too, and if you didn't have such a way with you in the sack, I'd turn you into a chicken right now and be done with you!"

Danni was the hottest female that Jason had ever screwed, and usually the feel of her smooth thighs and warm, wet center rubbing against him would have made him a happy man, but tonight she was as seductive as an octogenarian nun.

The familiar teasing tone was back in Danni voice, "Time to play baby! You are dumber than a chicken shit! You're dumber than pigeon shit! And you've shit on me for the LAST time! Your Gran probably told you to accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue. Well, baby, you know that square in the middle of Bon Temps where the pigeons always shit all over that Confederate statue?"

Jason's eyes assumed a Barney Rubble imbecility as he stared into Danni's. He nodded in the icy silence as a light perspiration slicked his face, chest, and arms.

"Well, since you love football more than me, you've provided the inspiration for your very own punishment. A new statue's going up, in honor of Bon Temp's hottest quarterback, provided by an unknown donor, and approved in record time by the town council. "

A cynical smile played across her pretty, exotic features, "There he'll stand, pigskin held high, ready for that winning pass! I've named it 'Hawk's Pride,' and I've charmed it to be an absolute pigeon potty!"

Jason shook his head in horror, "Oh baby no! I love LSU…I mean I love _you_."

Danni's face broke into a brilliant, yet dreadfully unsympathetic smile, "Oh you can love LSU as much as you like! You are not getting out of this one! Two weeks' inside that statue ought to teach you that a lady always comes first. "

Danni twirled Jason's golden chest hair playfully, "And I guarantee that one particular regal Hawk's going to feel every splat of pigeon shit!"

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_**Doesn't Jason always have it coming? **_

_**If you haven't done so already, please read the other wonderful one shots! **_

_**As Dr. Evil said, "Throw me a frickin' bone here!" Please review: )**_


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